1.
That annoying
pinch by your hip while you’re driving is the seatbelt. Your hips are starting
to spread over it, fatty.
2.
The are no more
fat clothes in your closet. You’ve
reached a new level. (Congratulations?)
3.
Chub rub. And not just between your thighs.
4.
New rolls are
starting that you’ve never seen before, such as the upper back hump.
5.
You can’t see
your entire body in your full length mirror unless you’re a quarter of a mile
away.
6.
Certain personal
hygiene is… a challenge.
7.
You harbor a secret fear that your bed frame may collapse
under the pressure.
8.
The dent where
you sit on the couch is permanent.
9.
Your arms rest by your sides at an angle.
10.
But mostly, you’re not
nearly as embarrassed by this list as you should be.
I offer this list in the spirit of writing about what you know. And I KNOW fat. I am an expert dieter with unqualified success. But I am equally a shamed lapsed dieter (also successfully, I guess). I can't figure out what exactly turns the page for me, but I thought I'd start documenting my progress, or lack thereof, over the next year or so. I'm not self-realized enough to figure it out without the note-taking apparently.
Although, I can already tell you, nothing is happening tomorrow. I'm attending a culinary graduation, and the students are making us lunch, so it would be disrespectful for me not to partake. Heartily. Plus, my larder isn't really stocked with the right food at the moment and likely won't be until I get a Peapod order on the calendar. Oh, and I have plans with my gf at a tapas place on Friday that makes delicious sangria and small plates that I'm ironically compelled to ingest in copious amounts.
You see where this is going. And you understand why I've slid into a dietary malaise of sorts. Oddly, here in the midst of it, I still feel like it can be overcome. But we'll see. I'm getting older and my metabolism isn't what it once was. I've got the standard creaks and groans working against me as well. But tomorrow is a new day! Or, you know, next week is a new week, after the culinary delights have been sampled, my pantry is full again and I've had my fill of Spanish culture.
